I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My feet surprised me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
