I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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