Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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