he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
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