He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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