The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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