I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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