I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
