I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
