listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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