Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize