We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
