I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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