Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
