did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
