Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
