I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
