...so i touched it.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize