another moral hangover. fuck.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She bit a glass in half.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
