I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
