It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I forget how to act sober
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
