Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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