i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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