All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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