her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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