We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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