After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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