I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
