He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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