he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
