i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
