So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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