I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
