she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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