You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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