That's intense
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
