explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
