WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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