You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
