I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
