I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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