look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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