32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
