Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
