Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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