pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
