i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
