Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
