Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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