I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
