my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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