I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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