Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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