suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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