If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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