Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
