I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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