DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
