your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I woke up under a house in Key West
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
