so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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