I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
