Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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