***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
