we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize