Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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