I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
