Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
