k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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