Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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