So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
