I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize