Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
