i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
