So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
